Getting engaged couldn't be more exciting, but once you actually start on the task that lies ahead of you, you may feel a bit overwhelmed. There's so much involved in planning a wedding: Should you have an outdoor event? Should you send save-the-date cards? When do you mail your invitations? Do you really need to have an open bar?
Your head might start spinning as you ponder the difference between an escort card and a place card. Relax. here are all the basics you'll need to help you pull together a memorable wedding.
Close your eyes and try to envision your perfect wedding. Is it a bold-colored blast with a trendy fusion menu? Or perhaps a relaxed, nature-inspired affair in stunning shades of green? Zeroing in on the type of ambience you want your event to evoke is the first step in making your dream wedding a reality.
For inspiration, grab a stack of magazines (wedding, home and travel mags work best) and tear out any photos that catch your eye. Lay them side by side and look for the common thread. serene blues and greens, for example. Chances are these colors will create the feeling that's right for you.
The number of attendants you choose is up to you. You can keep it small and ask just your closest sibling or best friend, or extend your entourage to include more pals or family members. Remember that you aren't required to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, so don't feel compelled to ask someone to join your bridal party just to keep the sides even.
Developing a realistic budget is admittedly not the most romantic part of planning your wedding, but you certainly can't do much of anything before you figure one out. To get a sense of how much dough you have to work with, determine how much you and your fiancé have available and sit down with both sets of parents to find out what, if anything, they are able to contribute.
Second, avoid putting people who know one another well on separate lists. If a B-list coworker happens to compare notes with an A-lister, for example, she'll likely realize that she didn't make the top tier. Ouch!
This is just what it sounds like: a list of guests who will score invites to your wedding if any guests on your A-list decline. Here's how to carry this off without offending anyone. First, send your A-list invites out eight to 10 weeks before your event so you have enough time to get responses and move on to the B-list. (You don't want your B-listers receiving their invitations suspiciously close to your wedding date!)
This is really the heart of your wedding day, and there are lots of choices when it comes to what's best for you. You can opt for a religious ceremony at a house of worship, a legal ceremony at city hall or a courthouse, or a spiritual ceremony in just about any location, from a tranquil garden to an elegant ballroom or private home. If you and your future husband are of different faiths, consider an ecumenical or interfaith ceremony that incorporates elements from each of your religious traditions.
If you're thinking about tying the knot across the country or even halfway around the world, you're right in style. Destination weddings are getting more popular all the time. If you want to get hitched abroad, be sure to thoroughly research your dream destination's marriage requirements. Some mandate that you must be in the country for a specific number of days before the wedding, for example. Another option: Skip the hassle of foreign laws, marry officially in the U.S., and then have a religious or spiritual ceremony and a reception at your destination.
Don't leave for the ceremony without an emergency kit packed with essentials for tackling common wedding-day mishaps like torn hems or broken heels. Some must-haves: double-sided fabric tape, a small sewing kit, superglue, deodorant, breath mints, clear nail polish, moleskin and tissues.
These are entirely optional, but they can be a fun way for the bride's and groom's family and friends to get acquainted before the wedding day. Any willing friend or relative can host an engagement party, but if more than one is planned, the bride's parents get the first shot if they wish to host. The party can be a traditional cocktail party, a laid-back barbecue or a buffet brunch. anything goes!
If you really don't know the difference between these and place cards, you are not alone (even some wedding pros get this one wrong!). 'Escort card' is the name for the cards used to indicate each guest's table assignment. These miniature missives, which are usually arranged on a table near the entrance to the dining room, serve a practical purpose, but also offer a chance to get creative. For example, you might write names and table numbers on Christmas tree ornaments for a holiday affair; small gourds or pumpkins for a fall fête; or seashells and sand dollars for a summer celebration.
Take a cue from the hit TV show Dancing with the Stars and spend a few weeks polishing your steps for your first dance. Whether you waltz, tango or swing, a little practice (or even a few lessons) can make the difference between shuffling nervously around the dance floor and wowing your guests with your smooth moves.
Show your guests how much you appreciate their presence with a thoughtful favor. Skip the candle or cookie (old news!) and consider petite treats with a purpose. Think silver luggage tags, cool coasters or corkscrews, or packets of sophisticated cocktail mixes to go. Check out these websites for a creative selection of budget-friendly favors: theweddingshopper.com, favorwarehouse.com, myweddingfavors.com, and favoraffair.com.
If you're thinking of something a little more personal, try making a donation to your favorite charity on behalf of your guests. The I Do Foundation offers a simple and easy way to make your donation. You can choose an organization from their list or suggest your own. Place cards are also available for purchase to let your guests know about the special gift.
A tradition that originated in the South, a groom's cake. which can sit near the wedding cake or on a separate table at the reception. is a fun addition. Surprise your guy with a confection that reflects his hobbies or interests. A baseball fan will love a bat- or hat-shaped cake, while a music lover will appreciate a treat shaped like his favorite instrument. You can serve the cake at the reception or box up slices for guests to take home.
Looking for ways to put your personal stamp on your wedding? Consider including elements. from food to colors to music. that honor your and your fiancé's family heritage. Be sure to explain the significance to your guests. For example, you can describe specific customs or songs in the wedding program or highlight special dishes on menu cards at each place setting.
Ideally, you should start your search for the perfect invitations six to eight months before your wedding and place your order at least four months before your date. If you don't make those deadlines, ask the printer to send the envelopes ahead of the invitations themselves. This way, you can get a head start on the time-consuming task of addressing the envelopes.
This role usually goes to a close female friend or relative between the ages of nine and 14. Your junior bridesmaid (if you decide to have one) will, of course, skip the bachelorette party and won't be expected to chip in on the cost of a bridal shower. She and her parents should, however, be invited to the rehearsal dinner.
Show your youngest guests a great time by seating them all at a special kids' table designed with them in mind (see page tk for inspiration). Some tot-friendly ideas: Put a coloring book and crayons at each place setting or provide each child with a goodie bag of small treats like stickers, mini games, crayons and cookies. Enlist a willing teenage guest, or hire a local baby-sitter, to supervise the little ones.
One of the most dramatic ways to transform a ceremony or reception venue is with lighting. If hiring a professional is within your budget (they can be more affordable than you might think!), he or she can do virtually anything from projecting your initials onto the dance floor to spotlighting centerpieces to creating an intriguing 'starry night' effect on the ceiling. If you can't afford a lighting designer, try this inexpensive trick: Replace the existing light bulbs with pink- or amber-hued ones which will cast a flattering, romantic glow.
The big music question used to be 'Band or DJ?' These days, many couples aren't limiting themselves to one or the other. they're hiring both! Each can take turns performing or the band can play during the early part of the reception and the DJ can take over later on, to create more of a nightclub feel. The latest idea couples like is to use an iPod to play the tunes they want to hear (perfect for in between sets or at the cocktail hour). Just make sure your venue has good speakers.
Here's how to spread the good news. Contact your chosen newspapers. some provide forms for you to fill out, while others allow you to craft your own wording. If they run photos with the announcements, get the specifics: Do they accept digital pictures? What size? Will prints be returned? As for timing, engagement announcements can run up to a year before the wedding, but two to three months in advance is customary. Wedding news can be published just as soon as you've said 'I do.'
Having an open bar is common at weddings and is even expected in many regions. If you're concerned about the cost, there are a few wallet-friendly alternatives: Have an open bar for the cocktail hour and then switch to just beer and wine; serve only beer and wine for the entire event; or forgo alcohol altogether and offer a variety of soft drinks.
The one no-no: a cash bar where guests are expected to pay for their drinks. You wouldn't expect your friends to pony up for what they'd drink if you invited them over to your house, so you certainly can't ask them to do so at your wedding.
A glorious breeze, the sun setting in the background…ah, the beauty of an outdoor wedding can be hard to top. Just be sure to have a solid backup plan in case Mother Nature doesn't cooperate with your plans. Ideally, you should have an alternate indoor location that you feel comfortable with, but there are other options if you want to ensure that you keep the event outdoors: Have large tents on hold at the party rental store in case of rain; heaters in case of cold; and fans in case you need to create a cooling breeze.
When it comes to your wedding fare, you obviously want it to taste terrific. but looks do matter, too! Creative food presentations are a great way to have some fun and to carry through your wedding color scheme. Some ideas: Ask your caterer to serve soup in shot glasses or mousse in martini glasses. Dress the trays for passed hors d'oeuvres and the buffet platters with a few large blooms or interesting leaves, like banana leaves, to add some flair.
At a formal wedding, guests are often assigned a specific seat at the table, and that's where place cards come in. These can be as simple as a tented piece of cardstock or as whimsical as a tiny floral arrangement. If you're putting printed menu cards at each seat, they can do double duty as place cards. Just ask your printer or calligrapher to add a guest's name to the top of each menu.
Between formalwear fittings, cake tastings and worries over pulling together a guest list, wedding planning can put a serious dent in your love life. So make a point to pencil in some quiet time with your fiancé. Whether you hit a hot new restaurant, take in a movie or just share coffee and bagels over the Sunday paper, keep wedding chat to a minimum (no easy feat!) and just enjoy each other's company.
Registering for your wedding gifts has never been easier. Almost all major retailers now have full-service online registries and most brides today are registering at three stores. However, if you want a variety of items on your wish list but don't want to juggle (and send your guests to) multiple registries, then Bgregistry.com was made for you. Bgregistry.com allows you to select gifts from multiple retailers so you can add anything you want from any store to one, centralized wedding registry.
Wondering how many of your guests are likely to RSVP 'yes'? Typically, 25 to 30 percent of guests decline the invitation. But don't count on it! If your venue holds 150 people, for example, don't invite 200 and assume that 50 won't show. If you decide to enclose response cards with your invitation, they should be printed with the date to respond by, a line for guests to fill in their names and a line for them to note how many of those invited plan to attend. Give your caterer your final head count a week to several days prior to the wedding.
These are a great way to give your guests plenty of notice about your upcoming nuptials. Save-the-date cards are mailed out six to eight months before the wedding, but can also be sent as soon as you've come up with a complete guest list and confirmed your wedding date.
Traditionally, wedding guests sent the newlyweds off in a shower of rice. These days, most couples have expanded on this tradition and opted for more creative options. For a special send-off, have your guests ring little silver or gold bells (yourweddingcompany.com), wave ribbon wands (jamaligarden.com,), blow bubbles (nuptialknickknacks.com) or toss pretty rose petals (petalgarden.com).
You know you have to write thank-you notes, but you might be confused by some of the myths about how long you have to get them in the mail. (Hint: You don't have up to a year after the wedding, as some brides believe. sorry!)
Follow these guidelines: For engagement or shower gifts, send your notes within two to three weeks; for wedding gifts received in advance of the big day, send your thank-yous before the wedding; for gifts received at the wedding, get them done within three months; and for gifts received post-wedding, mail your thank-you notes within three weeks.
These guys (who may double as groomsmen or may simply be other male pals) are responsible for escorting your family members and friends to their seats as they arrive for the ceremony. To keep things flowing at a good pace, appoint at least one usher for every 50 guests.
From the florist to the caterer, your vendors are the pros you'll rely on to carry out your wedding-day wishes. When hiring vendors take the time to check their references, ask for samples when possible (many caterers or bakers will do tastings, for example, and florists will often provide a sample centerpiece), and be sure to get everything you agree on in writing.
Writing your own vows can be a sweet way to personalize your ceremony, and it has become increasingly popular to do so. You and your fiancé should both speak from the heart, but try to make the style of your vows similar. For example, decide whether you'll be serious or humorous, or both.
This is a terrific way to keep your bridal party and guests informed of the details of your event. Many brides have found that a wedding website is especially helpful for keeping everyone in the loop for a destination wedding. Look online for services that allow you to create your own site for free or for a small fee.
Think wedding planners are only for the wealthy? Think again. These days, you can hire a pro at different price points, depending on the level of service you need. You can enlist a coordinator to orchestrate the entire event or hire one just for the big day itself, to ensure that things run smoothly. Consider hiring a planner if you know you won't have a lot of time to devote to wedding details or if you're planning your nuptials from a distance.
Be sure to order about 20 extra invitations and envelopes. You'll need them for any last-minute additions to your guest list and for redoing any envelope-addressing goofs. And don't forget to save yourself a few invites to tuck away as precious keepsakes of the day.
To prep future flower girls or ring bearers for their role, ask their parents to rehearse their tasks. walking down the aisle, scattering flower petals or carrying the ring bearer's pillow. with them in advance. You want to be sure that young attendants will feel comfortable when their big moment comes.
When the band or DJ plays the last song of the night, grab your new husband for one final turn on the dance floor. Then stop and look around at all the family members and friends who so happily celebrated the day with you. Now, savor the moment. Even if the weather wasn't just what you'd hoped for, or there were a few little snafus along the way, look back on your day with zero regrets. and look forward to starting life as a newlywed!
Details, details... No, we don't mean flowers or wedding favors here, but the details that help make a truly beautiful you. We're talking about bridal accessories. If you're just recovering from the momentous, you may be tempted to say, "Enough! I'll forgo all the fussy finishing touches!" Resist! The right accessories (emphasis on right) are the elements that pull the whole ensemble together and make your guests gasp when they get their first glimpse of you. We've pulled together a list of the bridal accessories you'll need.
The veil you choose should complement you (if you're petite, for example, a huge veil will only dwarf you), but should also complement your dress. A very long veil can be stunning-but if the back of your wedding dress is particularly dramatic, you may not want to cover it up. Keep headpieces simple in relation to your dress; a very ornate wedding gown is best with a pared-down headpiece, such as a pretty pearl headband, while a simple, clean-lined dress can take on a dramatic, jeweled tiara with a multi-layered veil. If your style is quite understated, or your wedding informal, experiment with a hat, a garland of flowers, or a decorated comb in place of a traditional headpiece or veil.
The Big UnveilingGown by Reverie by Melissa Sweet. Birdcage veil with a silk flower and feather accents by Stephanie Browne Australia. Earrings by A. Jaron Fine Jewelry. Hair by Sophie Kaspar at Ford Artists using Kiehl's. Makeup by Gregg Hubbard at Agency Gerard.Note: A long veil can be dramatic during the ceremony, but cumbersome during the reception (not to mention a potential fire hazard). You might change into a shorter veil after the ceremony and pictures-just make sure someone is trained to make the switch without destroying your hairstyle.For more great headpieces and veils, check out Beautiful & Budget-Friendly Wedding Dresses.
As we all know, when your feet are in pain, you're going to have a bad day. If that day is your wedding day, well, you'll find it tough to smile. Heels should not be stiletto-height-especially if you'll be dancing. A lower, sturdy heel is best for a girl on her feet all day long-we recommend 2 1/2" for comfort. As for style, your options are many. Choose a dressy fabric, such as satin, peau de soie, or silk shantung, over workaday leather. And what goes for your head also goes for your feet: Opposites attract. Pair an ornate shoe with a simple ensemble, a plain shoe with an elaborate dress. Shoes accented with lace, pearls, or crystals can mirror the details of your dress.
The Perfect PairGown by Destinations by Maggie Sottero. Lace and silk satin headband by Justine M. Couture. Floral-pearl bracelet by Regina B. Bow-front shoes by Filippa Scott. Hair by Nikki Wang for nikkiwang.com. Makeup by Wanda Melendez for Smashbox Cosmetics.Note: Make sure your shoes are comfortable!Obviously this means kicks that won't cause blisters or foot cramps, but also make sure they'll stay on your feet while walking (no shuffling down the aisle) and dancing.See more gorgeous shoes here: Shoes for Every Budget.
We're talking foundation, darlings. You really don't want to be wearing your plain-Jane cotton panties today. Shop for lingerie that's not only special and sexy, but that also provides support where you need it, creating a clean, smooth line under your dress. Investigate basques and long-line, strapless bras, or the latest body slimming slips (a far cry from the constricting girdles of old!)-whatever your wedding gown and your figure require. Go to a specialty lingerie shop or the lingerie section of a good department store (full-service bridal salons often sell lingerie) to get expertly fitted. And don't forget to wear the garments for your wedding dress fittings!
The Right FoundationGown by Vineyard Collection. This strapless bustier from Jezebel shapes the waist and makes it perfect for a corset-style gown. Keep your silhouette seam-free with a thong like this from On Gossamer. Its nude hue also means it won't be visible through thinner fabrics. Check out The Right Foundation for Your Wedding Dress to find the right undergarments for your gown.
Can we say this often enough? Keep it simple! The main attraction is you (and your dress), not your jewelry. If you normally wear lots of rings, leave them off today-wear only your engagement ring and new wedding band. Earrings should not compete for attention with your headpiece and veil. For that reason, it's best to choose earrings that don't hang too low or dangle too much. As for necklaces, the traditional choice is a pearl choker or strand, or a pearl or diamond pendant (whether fine or costume jewelry). Your choice will depend on the neckline of your wedding dress. What's hot now: everything from sleek, modern pieces to romantic, retro ones. Being simple doesn't preclude being stylish: Look for fabulous vintage items, one-of-a-kind pieces, or fun floral or butterfly accents.
Sparkle & ShineGown by Moonlight, Tango Collection. Teardrop earrings and brooch by Haute Bride. Bracelet by Cheryl King for Icing Couture. Makeup by Greg Clark for Halley Resources. Hair by Alejandra for Tresemme at Artisits by Timothy Priano.For more great pieces to finish your bridal look, read Classic Wedding Jewelry.
If you're wearing a strapless, sleeveless, or thin-strapped dress, gloves are a great accent, and can look terribly elegant. Opera-length (over the elbow) gloves work with sleeveless or strapless gowns; gloves that come to just below the elbow work best with short- or cap-sleeve gowns; and wrist-length gloves can work with just about any type of sleeve.
Simple EleganceGown by Kenneth Pool. Faceframing veil and crystal hair ornament by Justine M. Couture. Earrings by Cheryl King for Icing Couture. Silk opera-length gloves by Carolina Amato. Vintage-inspired bracelet by Roberta Chiarella. Hair by Sophie Kaspar at Ford Artists using Kiehl's. Makeup by Gregg Hubbard at Agency Gerard.Note: If you wear gloves, make sure you can remove them smoothly during the ceremony (no teeth, please!). It's best to shed them once you reach the altar; hand them, along with your bouquet, to your maid of honor to hold. Check out our Accessory Designer Directory to find everything you need to complete your look.
For more on the latest in bridal fashion from our editors, read our Fashion & Beauty Blog.
Who Pays for What
The traditional wayIn past generations, the bride's family paid the majority of the wedding expenses, including the engagement party (optional), the wedding gown and almost all reception expenses, from the invitations to the food, photography and cake. The groom's parents covered only the rehearsal dinner and an engagement party (optional), while the groom himself paid for the honeymoon, the bride's rings, the marriage license, the bride's bouquet, corsages for the mothers, boutonnieres for the dads and the officiant's fee.
The modern wayBecause many couples today are marrying later and are financially independent, they may pick up all or most of the tab, and both sets of parents may chip in, too. Another popular option: The couple, the bride's family and the groom's family each contribute one-third of the total cost.
There's no question money does often translate to power, confirms Barbara Bartlein, RN, MSW, a psychotherapist and the author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage (Cumberland House Press). “Some people are naturally controlling and feel it's their right to dictate what will happen to the money they contribute,” she says. But this is your wedding day, after all, and you and your guy should be calling the shots. or at least most of them. Of course, diplomacy is required! Here's how to negotiate gracefully and effectively.
Wedding planning, especially in the early months of engagement, is like a feel-good fantasy bubble, while talk of money is a giant straight pin threatening to burst it. No wonder many couples are reluctant to sit down and discuss dollars and cents. The risk of not ironing out financial specifics early on, however, is assuming that things will magically sort themselves out. They won't.
Recent bride Jaime King, who was wed in June near San Francisco, California, approached her parents shortly after she got engaged. “I asked them if they were willing to give me any money, or if I should plan on eloping,” she says. They told her that they had $25,000 set aside for her wedding. “It was great to be given a total figure so I could budget accordingly,” she says.
Bartlein applauds Jamie's proactive approach and adds that it's also smart to go to your parents armed with an estimate of what your ideal affair might cost. This way, you can nail down specific figures. You might say something like, “We think we can pull together the wedding we've got in mind for about $20,000. Do you think you might be able to pitch in, and, if so, how much?”
If the answer's yes, consider asking them to write a check for the agreed upon amount. You can deposit it in a bank account you've opened just for wedding expenses and pay bills as they arise. This way, invoices are sent directly to you instead of to your parents, neatly sidestepping any opportunity for them to second-guess your decisions.
Now, taking charge this way does not mean you steamroller your parents with demands of cash and zipped mouths. There's a line between getting what you want and pleasing people who, in all likelihood, only want the best for you. Yes, my husband and I paid for our wedding. But, out of love and respect, we also granted several requests our folks made. For instance, my parents, hearing of our plan to save money by hiring a DJ rather than a band, made it known they preferred live music. So we crunched some numbers and ended up spending extra for a great ensemble, and everyone was happy.
Of course, sometimes you'll have to disappoint the ones you love. When is it appropriate to put your needs first? You might ask yourselves: Does this request from Mom and Dad clash with our overall vision of our wedding day? Maureen Dunn, who's planning a June 2005 wedding in Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania , is currently grappling with this very question: Her future mother-in-law wants children to be invited to the wedding, while Maureen and her fiancé feel a reception is not the place for tots under 10. 'She's offered to pay for the kids to come, but for us it's not the money. it's simply our preference,' says Maureen. The couple will take their time deciding what they'll do, in order to give the matter the careful consideration it deserves.
It's also important to establish up front how much decision-making power your parents will have if they're contributing cash. Right after Mom says, 'I'll pay for the flowers' and you thank her, you should ask, 'What does this mean to you, exactly?' If she replies that she'll foot the bill you present her, obviously you're fine. If she says she'd like to be consulted and take part in the selection process, that's fine, too. But if she insists on choosing blooms outright, the buzzer sounds and you go another round or two.
Try to avoid the impulse to go into these negotiations prepared for combat. Remember that often a difficult parent just wants to be heard and appreciated, and will use money as a way to 'make' you listen. So, in the flowers scenario, you could ask Mom to agree to attend meetings with the florist and offer suggestions but to let you have the final say. And beforehand, you two can have fun together poring over magazines and catalogues for ideas. But if she's truly autocratic and vetoes your wishes, 'you might want to tell her, gently but firmly, that you'd prefer to pay for the blossoms yourself,' says Bartlein.
One final thought: While often hard, these talks about money and control issues are great practice for married life!
